December 1, 2011

Retail D-Day

By Tiffany Arrington

“Doorbusters” started at 9pm.  A good friend of mine sent me this photo at 7pm, with an accompaniment of: “You SURE you’re going to do this?”  I believe my response was somewhere in the neighborhood of: “Holy S***, nevermind!”  ….so Linda and I decided we’d wait til 11pm, when surely the line had died down.  Our intent was never to bust any doors anyway?  We’re not THAT serious.

BUT we were serious enough to stand outside, in the cold, at 11pm for a good 45 minutes.  We saw family after family emerge from the exit doors with cartloads of absurdities as if this was post-Katrina redux.  Mom and I watch in amazement, secretly and selfishly wishing we’d thought to stop by Starbuck’s beforehand and reward ourselves with a delicious peppermint mocha for the ridiculous affair in which we were soon to participate.  But we didn’t, so we stood there in vain and devoid of indulgence that fine post-Thanksgiving-pre-Black-Friday evening…..rather fat, dumb and confused.

We get inside, grab the last remaining cart, and begin our cautious trek through Toys ‘R Us.  The only item that caught our eye was a $10 assorted Crayola box of goodies that we matched to one of mom’s “Giving Tree” children’s lists.  Much to our dismay, none of the items we’d been hoping to snag for Ryder were on sale.  BUMP THAT(!!): none of the items we’d been hoping to snag for Ryder were on sale ENOUGH to stand in line for the required TWO HOURS to pay!  I’d never seen anything like it.  The epiphanic moment came when mom and I reached the furthest point in the store from the entrance and noticed two teenagers standing idly behind a group of fellow shoppers, whose heads of which we could only see the back.  I barked at the kids: “Is this the QUEUE LINE to pay!?”  ….all it took was a nod…and I could hear them faintly in my rearview saying it was a 2-hour wait.  By this time I’d already instructed Linda to ditch the Crayola box, and we deuced.  An entire few hours wasted in vain, and indeed, devoid of indulgence.

I APOLOGIZE…

…to the little Giving Tree kid that really wanted the Crayola Box.  Don’t hate the players, shorty, hate the game.  Be rest assured you’ll get something awesome from the Arrington Family for Christmas, it’s just not under the tree…..yet.

and most importantly…I APOLOGIZE…
…to Ryder.  Because mommy walked away from Black Friday empty handed, and you therefore got no awesome treasures that night.

So I digress, and I re-avow my commitment to never participate in Retail D-Day eva, eva, eva, eva….for-eva-eva…..for-EVA-EVA?….EVER again.  I resolve to stay fat, dumb and happy throughout the rest of the Thanksgiving holiday in years to come, and resume any Christmas shopping efforts once the psychoses has subsided and some semblance of normalcy has been restored.

Until then, Merry Christmas to all and happy shopping!